Rap on BASH

I'm in talks with the Supreme Council of Hip-Hop to switch over the default platform API for rap from English to BASH. Here are some initial performance tests:

Jay-Z


find ./ -name '*Shawn*Carter.*' -xattrname ballstoohard | /usr/bin/fine.sh

The NBA: all about those wildcards.

Big L


awk '{ebonicsmap[$0]=$1; print $0; print $1;}' ./ebonics.txt

Soulja Boy would’ve written a single-machine MapReduce.

Kanye


curl -xPOST http://www.thisbitch.com/photos -d@mydick.jpg

thisbitch.com redirects to prostiflutes.xxx. Awesome site if you're looking for pictures of dicks.

Nas


sudo apt-get install one-mic.lib; gcc my_cool_rap.c; chmod 755 a.out; ./a.out

Nas gets close to the metal, all up in that grill.

Method Man


cat fatbagofskunk.dat whiteowlblunts.dat | methodman.sh; assert $LIFTED

I don't think it matters which side that assert is on.

2Pac


while true; do echo "hennessy"; echo "enemies"; echo "remember me"; echo "penitentiary"; done

And they’ll never find the guy who Ctrl-C’ed him.

Ghostface Killah


trap 'Strawberry Kiwi' SIGHIGHSPEED

Props if you get this one. SIGHIGHSPEED is defined in RFC-SuqMadiq.

Notorious BIG


if [$((RANDOM%2)) -eq 1]; then hypnotize.sh -f words.txt -u me; fi

His code only works sometimes.

Slim Thug


awk '{print $0 " ...like a boss"}' ~/TODO.txt

Fix race condition bug ...like a boss.

I'm back, motherfuckers

It's been over a year since my last post. Just wanted to let you know that I'm not dead or in jail. I got some good shit coming down the pipe, quite possibly today. Regrettable word choice, yes, but fuck it, it's Irish Mardi Gras!

For a quick update on my life situation and a preview of posts to come:

I started working at Klout on Monday. So far, shit is pretty awesome. I've moved to SOMA, which is not quite as fun or as safe or as awesome in general as the Mission, but my place is a block from work so yeah.

On the lifting side, I've been holding pretty steady at 180, which seems right about where I should be. I need to start training my ankles for snowboarding, which I picked up this season.

I made a song with my friend Marco (I rapped, he produced.) You can find it here. This is pretty much the limit of my abilities in terms of performance. I put in all I had into recording this song, with only a few punch-ins, and I hope it shows through.

I'm going to be talking more about Scala and the Play Framework, since that's what I use at work. I'm also using that stack on the pet project I've been working on with my homeboy Sam. Release date is whenever Half Life 3 comes out.

In the meantime, enjoy my latest bullshit ventures. I think they truly redefine the meaning of bullshit:

• What does dubstep sound like? - Scala, Play, MongoDB, Heroku


• Is it bro-able? - Python, GAE

I'll see if I can deliver some more posts today. It'll be hard because I'm also going to be delivering some green booze to my face.

Fuck California, you made me boring

EMA - California has been making the rounds on all the approved hipster channels. I've been trying to figure it out and I think I at least have a slight grasp on it.



I won't even pretend to understand the entire song. In a sense, it isn't supposed to make sense. It's a howl of obliteration.

The first lyric is the most powerful. It sets the tone and provides the context for the rest of the lyrics.

It's not about California actually making her boring. The usual spiel about a small town girl coming to LA and getting corrupted is boring.

The lyric can be better interpreted as "Fuck California. You made me feel like I'm boring," but it's not just a change in perception. She was never interesting to begin with. The ideals that she thought California represented were bullshit and they were always bullshit. It's not a song about loss. It's a song about never having.

Or it could be about SoCal. I mean that place like... totally sucks.