Rap on BASH

I'm in talks with the Supreme Council of Hip-Hop to switch over the default platform API for rap from English to BASH. Here are some initial performance tests:

Jay-Z


find ./ -name '*Shawn*Carter.*' -xattrname ballstoohard | /usr/bin/fine.sh

The NBA: all about those wildcards.

Big L


awk '{ebonicsmap[$0]=$1; print $0; print $1;}' ./ebonics.txt

Soulja Boy would’ve written a single-machine MapReduce.

Kanye


curl -xPOST http://www.thisbitch.com/photos -d@mydick.jpg

thisbitch.com redirects to prostiflutes.xxx. Awesome site if you're looking for pictures of dicks.

Nas


sudo apt-get install one-mic.lib; gcc my_cool_rap.c; chmod 755 a.out; ./a.out

Nas gets close to the metal, all up in that grill.

Method Man


cat fatbagofskunk.dat whiteowlblunts.dat | methodman.sh; assert $LIFTED

I don't think it matters which side that assert is on.

2Pac


while true; do echo "hennessy"; echo "enemies"; echo "remember me"; echo "penitentiary"; done

And they’ll never find the guy who Ctrl-C’ed him.

Ghostface Killah


trap 'Strawberry Kiwi' SIGHIGHSPEED

Props if you get this one. SIGHIGHSPEED is defined in RFC-SuqMadiq.

Notorious BIG


if [$((RANDOM%2)) -eq 1]; then hypnotize.sh -f words.txt -u me; fi

His code only works sometimes.

Slim Thug


awk '{print $0 " ...like a boss"}' ~/TODO.txt

Fix race condition bug ...like a boss.